Don’t Tell Me

Croatoa doesn’t really exist. It’s just a made up thing in my own mind. The worst thing about that is that no one likes it. Everyone thinks that even if it were true it’s still a fairy tale that’s out of reach.

When I was younger I wrote a thing about Croatoa. I didn’t even know that it existed and was a real place at the time. Never heard of it. I thought I was in the real Croatoa at the time even though I had never heard of the place.

I wrote this thing and I made copies of it and put it in a stack next to other people’s pamphlets and bulletins and buttons and stickers. No one liked it and I stood out like a sore thumb. I heard people laughing and mocking what I had written. So I walked off into the forest away from the camp and then left the next day and wanted to drop off into the ocean for shame. I walked really far before I thought I might be lost altogether. There is a highway on the way to Croatoa I guess. I wish there weren’t or I’d be there already.

That was many years ago. It’s nowhere near Croatoa. I ended up on the opposite side of the Universe from Croatoa. But it was not so far from my original home where I was reared. I always felt that Croatoa lived just over the border but not too far from here. At the time it seemed like a houseboat and a café and a girl that was broken that I knew only vaguely. The truth is she was all that and more. She talked like she was from Croatoa. I think maybe she had been exiled from Croatoa and I had never been so it was ill-fated. I always think about going to see her and maybe she can tell me how to get to croatoa. She has a guy last I was aware but if he’s not around anymore I’d love if she came with me.

I guess I am afraid to go there. I just don’t want to go there alone.  No one wants to admit they’re scared and I’m just like anyone else. At least I’ve heard about the place.


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